Some Thoughts
I do not know why but I really started to like this blog:) Maybe it’s because of the counter I put(the new one) that shows me ho many different people visit this place(ha ha)…or maybe because this is the only place, where I write and have the feeling that I have someone to hear and understand me(even if i’s just a feeling – it helps me a lot…because I really have some hard time now). Actually, I haven’t placed all my ideas and thoughts here, yet I start to feel more comfortable sharing them…It may sound strange, but I like putting funny links that I find on the net, share my personal experience or bug you with my weird ideas(oh my, where is my Anti-weiridinium when I need it so much) or maybe the strange pieces of poetry that my brain gave birth to…
Actually, this post is provoked by a letter from one of you(all my readers) that wrote such letter to me, that I had the feeling that I wrote it myself(thank you buzz). He said, that he really enjoys the blog(even the Bulgarian part, although he doesn’t understand all of it) and after reading all posts he easily described my condition now. And yeah, this made me more happy…at last someone understood, that I laugh all the time, but actually I do it just for the others sometimes, because this could make everyone feel better. Thank you again buzz…
And some more up-to-date thoughts. Again, I do not expect everyone to understand them, just have a quick look at them.
Yesterday, after a series of some silly events, I think I understood the origami crane that I have in my room. It stays alone on one of my shelves, looking at me everyday. Sometimes it bend to left or right, just to make sure it feels better and yet feel alive(yeah..I think “it” can be called “he” now). Maybe he understands me or maybe not. I do not really know, but I like him. He depends on me and my decisions. What is more, he is the only thing that my Sun hasn’t deprived me of. I lost my dreams, I lost my feelings, I lost my happy face, I lost my soul in a way…everything but him – the little paper-made birdy. We both has something in common and it something we lost, too. We both were left alone by one and the same Sun.
Maybe you wander, “What Sun? Is he an astronaut?”. Yeah, I wish I was, but I do not talk about the ordinary sun, and about a totally different one. One, that reached my heart with her rays, warmed my soul, gave me wings so I can try to reach her…and then ripped them off. So I followed Dedalus way to the ground with the only difference, that I landed on the hard soil and survived so I can suffer and remember the hours when I could fly.
As I said, we were left both alone. My position is understandable, but how can this little thing stay alone? It has no soul in some people’s eyes? Oh, it can. He is a stand-alone creature. There are some places where the Sun has left many others like him, a whole flight but he cannot join them. And weirdly, sometimes I think of letting him join the others and I cannot. This is the only mirror of the Sun, that I have left. It has two sides. On the one hand, he reminds me that when he is alone the sun has obviously left me alone forever, forgetting about me. On the other hand, he is the only thing that reminds me of her, and makes me feel even more alone.
Here I made my brutal decision. I won’t let him go, making him aprisoner. This is the only way that I will feel, that once I was part of this life, too. And that once I could fly…Oh my God, I made him a copy of me…an all alone encaged bird.
u are not alone dear! U have family and friends that do care about u a lot!And I am one of them!
)
So stop looking at that oregamy bird, lift your head up and move forward!U are just 19 for God’s sake!Looking at the past will not do u any good!
Besides that oregamy’s bird might not be alone for too long
Love ya!Don’t u ever forget that!
niki:)
There are all kinds of people – people who love to fly and people who love to walk…
And some that like to kill others while they’re flying…
Lies are the perfect weapon for killing a bird.
a bird with no wings is not dead, it can still walk…
Yeah, indeed….and after all, all cut feather, grows again.
But still, the weapon will has hurt the bird and this will be remembered…a lie is a lie, no matter how you look at it…